Things I think about when my face hurts from vodka

It would’ve been fine if I’d stuck with just the wine. It was saying ‘ok’ to that evil vodka mango drink that did me in. But it was a gorgeous night, there was a fire, and I was in a great mood- so I went with it. Don’t worry- my brain will kick my a#@ if I try to make THAT decision again.

I should be doing yard work right now (unless I’m trying to go for the wild jungle look, in which case I may have perfected it.)  I tried earlier. Really. But the sun hurt my face. It’s just so darn, well, shiny. If I could wear sunglasses that covered my entire head, I would try it. I bet that would totally work.

Things I’ve done instead, to try to feel better:

• Sleep. That didn’t work. It’s hard to sleep when even the sheets hurt.

• Eat scrambled eggs with salsa. Sometimes that works. My tummy felt better, but I still wanted to stick my face in the freezer.

• Take a long hot bath in my whirlpool tub. That didn’t help either, but at least I’m super clean

So it’s just me, and my hurting face, and my foggy brain, duking it out now. These are some of the things on my mind today:

Tortilla chips should be shaped like my bowl, and be skinny on the edge, so they act like tiny salsa shovels for my mouth.

I have the most amazing friends ever. Some of my friends could literally kick your friends’ a@#es. Don’t worry though- they won’t do that, ‘cause your friends are cool too. I, on the other hand, only know fake Kung Fu. So I can mimic the noises and jump around and entertain you, but cannot actually protect you from danger.

Even though my face hurts due to my own stupidity last night, I am happy. Like, ridiculously happy.  It’s awesome. And I’m not questioning it.

 

When my dog, Marley, comes to live with me, I wonder if she will be able to do helpful stuff, like fetch the dirty dishes to the dishwasher for me. That would be awesome!

 

Though, most likely the best I can expect is some pre-washing of the plates and clearing scraps off the floor with her doggie tongue. Don’t worry- I will run the dishes through the dishwasher before I cook for you.

 

How super grateful I am to have a job I love, a nice modest home to live in, awesome food to cook with, and amazing friends and family and people in my life who appreciate me for who I am, and make me laugh and smile :) and put my right foot in and shake it all about. < Wait; that last thing there is the hokey pokey.  Just seeing if you’re paying attention.  I was starting to get a little sappy…

Alrighty then, because I’m brave/ stubborn, it’s time to try once more to wander out into the yard, hedge trimmers in hand. (I best wipe that hung-over look from my eyes first, so I don’t scare the neighbors.) Here’s hoping you enjoy the rest of your day, and that you’re way smarter than I was about the whole following wine with vodka thing.